Older Men Marrying Far Younger Women
An email I got tonight got me thinking. So I made a phone call to my Mom, and that got me thinking even more. For the most part, I think age is just a number. But when it comes to love and marriage? I don’t know.
When I was 12 we had a girl living with us, her name was *Patti, she was 20. She was no raving beauty, more on the mousy side, but the sweetest girl you’d ever meet. There was a friend of the family that was around quite a bit, he was older even than my parents, he was 53 and his name was *Dan. He was one smooth talking cowboy! He could convince you that rain was not wet!
Dan became very interested in Patti and asked her out, as a friend. They went out to the movies, they went and played tennis, went to dinner. I’ll never forget the day Dan came in and announced he and Patti were getting married. Everyone was shocked. Mom took Patti aside and asked if she realized what being married to a man old enough to be her grandfather was going to be like. Patti didn’t care, she was convinced she was in love.
So they married then moved to California. Through the years, you could tell Patti was getting more and more unhappy. They still did a lot of things together. But after the “glow” began to diminish, she began to realize things, things like, in his 50’s he was a bit set in his ways, he liked to do things older people enjoy, which, at first was great, but it got boring really quick.
The prime of her life was still coming while his had already been and gone. During her early 30’s she started having to really take care of him, he was in his 60’s, when she should’ve been out enjoying the hell out of life, she was nursing him. When she reached her 40’s the nursing schedule became even heavier. He was in his 70’s. He died when she hit her 50’s and he his 80’s. She had grown to almost hate him because he stole her life from her, with a few smooth talking words. She resented him, and thinking back on it. She realized, it wasn’t him she fell in love with, it was the way he told her what he knew she wanted to hear.
Even 10-15 years isn’t a bad age gap, but 33 years would steal a woman’s prime of her life from her. Mom faxed me some old letters she’d kept from Patti tonight. These letters began in the beginning years of their married life. By the end of the first year, you can tell that Patti was beginning to see what a difference there was in their ages. While she was ready to go out and do something in the afternoon, he wanted a nap. The sex was good, of course, he was a very experienced man, and apparently, very well…uh…built. But it didn’t take her long to realize that sex wasn’t everything. She grew restless for people her own age, but she’d married him and she took her vows seriously.She spent her years pretty much just taking care of him.
Yes, they had friends, some older, some younger. But it had become embarrassing to her because people always thought she was his daughter or granddaughter. Then when they found out they were husband and wife, it made people uncomfortable so they didn’t hang around.
When the passion wore off, she quickly realized what a mistake she’d made. Yes, she loved him, but at the same time resented him and the seeds of hating him for taking her youth, were beginning to form. When he passed away, she was a little sad, but more happy that she could finally begin living her own life at the age of 50. She had basically missed her 20’s 30’s and 40’s.
So I don’t know…10-15 years, that’s alright, not too big a deal, but 20-30 years is a whole one or even two generations different. Especially when you are only in your 20’s. Even though she may be convinced she’ll love him forever, you have to wonder how long it will actually take before the seeds of resentment take hold, then the hatred. And I would think that sentencing a woman that’s convinced she’s in love with a man 30 years older than herself, would fall under Cruel and Unusual Punishment.
Of course, I could be wrong, you do see these young women hanging all over all these rich old men! lol…of course…in that situation there’s an ulterior motive, and she’s hoping he’s got one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel.
In my 20’s I always though anyone over 30-35 looked ancient! I can’t imagine thinking I was in love with someone my grandpa’s age!
I don’t know. I won’t say it’s wrong or it’s right. That’s not my place, and my thoughts are based on one specific relationship that I have specific knowledge of. But…i’ve heard basically the same thing from women who got involved with a much older man. I would like to hear your opinion on this subject. Please drop me a line!
*The names in this story have been changed.